raising girls

Brynn is only seven weeks old, but she has already had a lifetime’s worth of lessons via the books she’s been read. Here is a list of the books and what I hope they convey to her brand new brain:

The Red Wolf by Margaret Shannon: BE CLEVER. In this book, Roselupin is a princess who has been imprisoned in a tall, stony tower by her well-intentioned but misguided father, the king. He wants to protect her from the wild and dangerous world, but in doing so, he also removes her from the joys of life as well. On her seventh birthday, however, Roselupin receives a surprise present: a chest full of balls of wool with a note that says, “Knit what you want.” That night, she knits herself a red wolf suit, speaks some magic words, and is transformed into a giant wolf that bursts from the tower into freedom.

There is more to the story, and a surprise ending to boot, but the central idea I hope you take from it, Brynn, is to be resourceful and clever and to use the tools available to find solutions to knotty problems.

Goodnight Songs: Illustrated by Twelve Award-Winning Picture Book Artists by Margaret Wise Brown: BE MUSICAL. Your father gave me this book for Mother’s Day this year in anticipation of your birth. It is a collection of poems written by the author of Goodnight Moon and is illustrated by several different authors. A CD comes with the book, but I’ve never listened to it. I like to read the poems and make up my own melodies for you. Music has played a huge role in my life, and I hope that you pick up on how important it is to have some form of beauty in your life.

Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! (Big Bright & Early Board Book) by Dr. Seuss: BE CONFIDENT. “Think left and think right, think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try.” Most people would say that this is a book about thinking and creativity, but I really like the part of the message about trying. I’d like you, Brynn, to grow up knowing that you can do almost anything if you only put your mind to it. Effort reaps rewards, and it’s not just about how smart you are.

Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You : Dr. Seuss’s Book of Wonderful Noises (Bright and Early Board Books) by Dr. Seuss: BE SILLY. Moo, buzz, boom boom boom, dibble dibble dop your way through life, Brynn, and don’t worry a fig about what other people think. It took having kids of my own before I finally learned this lesson, but I hope you learn to have a silly, wonderful time dancing through life.

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams: BE REAL. “‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.’”

Oh, Brynn. This will be one of the biggest challenges of your life. To be Real. People will make fun of you because they are jealous and call you names because they are insecure, but they are little people in the end and can never change who you are as long as you remain committed to this idea of being Real.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. and Eric Carle: BE ENGAGED. I’d love for your life’s mantra to be “What do I see?” I used to have my Seniors do a ten minute writing on a quote that says, “Being bored is an insult to oneself,” and I can’t help but agree. Everything in life has the potential to teach you something, even if it’s what not to do, so keeping your eyes open and taking time to think about what you see is one of the most valuable lessons I could teach you.

I Love You Through And Through by Bernadette Rossetti Shustak and Caroline Jayne Church: BE LOVED. Find a few really good friends and a best friend for a partner and you won’t go wrong, Brynn. They make life worth living. And always know how loved you are.

Your first month and a half in books, Brynn. Be happy, girlfriend…

Love,

Mama

So, my husband and I ~~are expecting a baby girl any day now~~ now have a baby girl (Brynn!). To be frank, when I first found out that this baby was going to be a girl, I was scared shitless.

Sure, I’m female, but as anyone who knows me will attest, I’m not exactly normal, and the thought of raising a girl in this day and age seemed like a Herculean task. So, I did what I always do when I don’t know what to do: I started reading. I read The Feminine Mystique, Mighty Be Our Powers, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Rescuing Girlhood, and Pink Brain Blue Brain. I read blog articles, sought out girl-power websites, and perused newspaper op-eds. I talked to other moms and dads of girls. Next to none of it helped. In fact, the picture seemed even bleaker than before. Mass marketing, pigeon-holed pink and purple clothing, insidious commercials, Disney princesses, risque clothing for first graders?! How do I raise a girl in such a gender-specific world? At last, I gave up reading.

And I thought, instead. I thought about all of the little girls that I know. Even with a small sample size, I know girls who climb better than boys, who are more physical than boys, who love cars and trains, and who still wear pink. I thought about the little boys that I know. I know boys who read better than girls, who speak better than girls, who have tea parties with their grandmas, and who still love cars and trains. I also thought about all of the confident, self-possessed, intelligent young women and men that I met in my eight years of teaching. Young women and men who bucked the stereotypes and pressures of high school cliques and were purely and simply their own people, true to their ideals and their goals for themselves.

In the end, I took to heart the two bits of advice that I could glean from all of the reading and talking and thinking that I did.

First, every child is unique. The most obvious epiphany ever, right? Even my own son Luke is not like any other boy we know, so why would I expect to think of my daughter any differently? She will be unique. Her own person with her own agenda, just as Luke is. Following her lead will be my joy and privilege, just as it has been with Luke.

Second, talk. The idea that open communication is the key to, well, pretty much everything. If I talk to my daughter about the shows she watches, the clothing she wears, the idols she adores, then I have the chance to help her become a critical consumer of the world. And teaching her (heck, both her and Luke) to think instead of just blindly follow is, I believe, my most important job as a parent.

I never thought I’d say this, and I know the people who know me well are going to laugh at me, but for maybe the first time in my life, I’ve decided to keep it simple. Raising a child is difficult enough as it is, right?

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